Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers is a painful but incredibly necessary journey for many women to go on. For years they have felt confused by their conflicting emotions for their mothers, unable to move forward and feeling very stuck in their childhood angst. But it is possible to heal and hopefully this post will help those of you who are struggling.
Before we look at some specific steps you can take to heal yourself I think it is important that we understand what happened in your childhood. This video gives you some insight into the behaviours you would have experienced growing up.
25 Characteristics of a Narcissistic Mother
- They are only focused on themselves in interpersonal relationships
- They have problems sustaining satisfying relationships
- There is a lack of psychological awareness
- They have difficulty with empathy
- They have problems distinguishing self from others
- They are vulnerable to shame
- There body language displays a sense of superiority
- If you admire them, they will flatter you
- If you don’t admire them, they will detest you
- They use other people without considering the cost
- They often pretend to be more important than they are
- They subtly brag
- They claim to be in “expert” in many things
- They have an inability to view the world from other people’s perspectives
- There is a denial of remorse
These behaviours can have a long term devastating impact upon the daughters of narcissists.
Long term impact on the daughters of narcissists
- Low self esteem
- People pleasing behaviours
- Poor boundaries
- co-dependent relationships
It is therefore important that, as adult daughters of narcissistic mothers, you learn ho to recover and address those issues which will have plagued you all your life.
You are never going to have a healthy and “normal” mother-daughter relationship and that is painful so give yourself time to grieve. You will feel:
Once you reach acceptance you can begin to work on yourself.
Work through your feelings
Write down how you feel. It’s OK to be angry at your mother. It’s OK to feel pity for her. Whatever you feel is perfectly acceptable. Don’t deny it any more. And don’t feel guilty for feeling it. Try writing a letter to her (full instructions are in the blog post “dealing with the long-term impact of a narcissistic mother”
Love your inner child
- Send loving messages to yourself
- Take good care of yourself
- Do nice things for yourself
- Set healthy boundaries with others
- Become your own advocate
- Believe in yourself
- Be compassionate with yourself
You can recover from having a narcissistic mother and go on to live a healthy and loving life. It takes some work but hopefully this post has given you some direction on how to move forward but if you would like to discuss anything in more detail please do book yourself in for a free 30 minute Break Free session.
I would also like to point you in the direction of the “Narcissistic Mothers” handout.