Narcissism and obsession aren’t always put together. We tend to view narcissists as being discarding and distant, which is how they present. But there is also an obsessive element to narcissistic personality disorder.
For those of you who have experienced the hate campaign after the break up with a narcissist, you know this to be true. No-one believes what is happening to you because no-one believes that anyone could be that obsessive. But they can be.
This video explores why they are obsessed with destroying your life and gives you some insight into why.
The narcissist has a strong belief that they are unworthy, inadequate, guilty, punishable. This developed in childhood through neglect, rejection, abuse or sadistic parenting. The child developed a false sense of self to protect themselves from this pain. They created an identity which was everything they has been taught they were not – important, powerful, capable, perfect, fault-less.
This became their mantra. And the narcissist repeats it regularly. In every relationship.
Any circumstances which threaten this belief therefore will become an obsession. It must be destroyed in order for the false sense to survive. When a relationship breaks up, this threatens their external representation as being important, powerful, capable, perfect and fault-less. In order for their false sense to survive, they must therefore ensure that all those internal representations of themselves (unworthy, inadequate, guilty, punishable) are never allowed to surface. So they deflect all of those qualities onto the ex. If they are all those things, it therefore is obvious that THEY were the problem.
The narcissist repeats their own mantra daily and for that to remain true and believed by others, they must repeat the reverse mantra about you daily as well. So they become obsessed with destroying you. Narcissism and obsession become interlinked. It becomes a ritual. They recruit new “believers” and spread the word.
However, as the narcissist seemingly becomes omnipotent, they quickly become more and more grandiose and outrageous, overt in their behaviours. Which alerts people to that fact that something isn’t quite right. They begin to question the “reality” the narcissist has created. And that is when the mask slips. The obsession becomes dangerous.
An obsession is a way for damaged people to damage themselves some more
Did the narcissist in your life become obsessive? What did they do?
If you are dealing with an obsessive ex right now, do get in touch. Sometimes having someone to talk to can really validate your feelings.