The Silent Victim
Many people who live with an abusive partner, think they are staying to protect their children. They believe that while they are there, the children are safe. But the truth is that children raised in an abusive environment do suffer. Not only do they learn that love equals pain, suffering and control.
But they also learn how to lie. How to control. And how to get their own way.
You may be experiencing this right now. Perhaps you have an angry teenager who is threatening you or their siblings. Maybe your home is being damaged during angry outbursts. You probably feel tired of the arguing. Frustrated that no-one is listening. Scared that someone may get hurt or things will never get better.
Or your child may be an emotional wreck, crying every time they make a mistake or hear a loud noise. Perhaps they are really passive and let their friends walk all over them, not knowing how to stand up for themselves and be assertive.
Parental Narcissistic Abuse has a lasting effect on children’s behaviour and self esteem. They may struggle to know how to behave with peers and could end up in trouble at school or with the police. They may also struggle to form relationships and feel isolated and even suicidal.
Look To Yourself
You CAN change all this though. You can show them that this behaviour is unacceptable and relationships are NOT about power and control. But it starts with you. You have to make the choice not to accept this behaviour. You have to learn to respect yourself so that your children will respect you. You need to feel confident in yourself and your ability to parent.
There is hope
I have worked so many families in this exact situation and after working together they now have healthy relationships with their children, full of fun and affection. The shackles of abuse have been broken and everyone enjoys spending time together. Parents are much more confident of their abilities to parent and the cycle of abuse has ended.. Every day is peaceful and full of wonderful memory making moments. And most of all, parents feel proud of their children and themselves.
Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents
- favouritism of one child over the others
- highly critical
- bullying behaviour
- will try and turn them against the other parent with lies or over the top gestures (usually involving money)
- severe disciplinary methods
- inconsistent attention
- withdrawing from child
Impact of a Narcissistic Parent
- low self esteem
- behavioural problems
- child tries hard to be perfect and gets disproportionately upset when they make a mistake
- struggles to form relationships with peers
- isolates themselves
- depressed and suicidal
To help protect your children I have put together some free resources to help you deal with a narcissist.