Master one of the key principles of Parallel Parenting, Autonomy, with this attachment based parenting course designed to help parents reconnect with their child and create a secure base for their children to become emotionally secure
"Anxiety, feeling at capacity so that small things feel like big deal, difficulty hearing/listening to kids and being able to comprehend, short attention span, not feeling good enough, really hard on myself, forgetful, brain gets stuck /frozen mid sentence, panic when accusations from nex, sensitive to noise when stressed, sometimes overreact to normal kid noises and behavior, worry that I’m causing damage to the kids"
After abuse, you doubt yourself and your ex constantly undermines your parenting. It’s hard to feel confident in what you are doing when it feels like you are under the microscope! This adds to your stress and prolongs the trauma, making attachment and emotional regulation difficult.
This diagram shows the impact parenting has on the nervous system, which plays an important role in emotional regulation. After abuse, these factors are more pronounced because of what you have experienced. This often results in PTSD and complex PTSD which further impacts your nervous system and your brain.
PTSD is chronic or toxic stress and it causes brain injury. As you can see from the diagram, it affects the key part of your brain which is essential for emotional regulation – the amygdala.
Your child will be experiencing periods of dysregulation. That is normal and natural, we all do. However, narcissists are consistently in a state of dysregulation (anger, silent treatment, anxiety) and your PTSD means that emotional regulation is difficult for you as well. This can leave a child without any co-regulation opportunities to help them develop self regulation strategies. This can present as:
Co-regulation is the foundation of a secure attachment. When children experience anxiety, they signal to their caregiver that they need them. This could be through crying, hitting, hiding or freezing. They are designed to bring the child into close and protective relationships.
However, for parents who have experienced abuse, those behaviours designed to pull you close could cause the opposite reaction in you. You may become triggered and overwhelmed with your own emotions. This leaves the child without the opportunity to bond and leaves them doubting your ability to respond to their needs. This affects their confidence and view of themselves, others and the world.
"Control over emotions and reacting rather than responding. Finding the joy again."
Creating a secure attachment to a child affected by narcissistic abuse is essential at giving them the best possible chance at experiencing safety despite the trauma of the situation. Secure children
Circle Of Security Participant
""I recommend the Circle of Security parenting program because it offers support to parents with parenting while providing parents the opportunity to be healed from trauma""
Father
Circle Of Security Participant
"I can't recommend it highly enough. We feel that we understand ourselves and the influence that our parents had on our 'previous' parenting style so much better. We feel more connected and tuned in to our children"
mother
Circle Of Security Participant
"I reunited with my oldest son in the last few days. We were severely alienated since 28th August 2019. There's nothing more gratifying that doing things for those you love. I had placed my faith in the Circle Of Security framework and every day I prayed for him."
mother
Circle Of Security Participant