Why isn't it getting any easier?
The relationship ended whether by your own hand or theirs and you thought things would get easier but they’re not. In fact they seem to be getting worse.
When you leave an abusive relationship everyone is telling you how great things are and that you did the right thing but it doesn’t always feel like that. In fact being without them can feel even harder than being with them. You know that makes no sense but yet here you are, in pain.
And it’s not a pain you have felt before. It’s uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact that you think the only way to feel better is to go back to them. Because it wasn’t that bad was it? At least you had learned how to deal with THAT pain. This is new and you really don’t like it.
It’s true that familiar pain can feel less painful than unfamiliar paid. You have developed coping strategies after all. Suddenly you are having to figure this all out on your own. And it feels impossible. And to be honest you don’t even want to. You want to go back to those uncomfortable but familiar old surroundings.
And so many people do. Statistics show that most people take 8 attempts to leave an abusive relationship for good. It’s not because they are stupid or weak. It’s just the pain of the unfamiliar, the unknown, is more painful of the abuse they have known for years.
So if you have bounced back and force over the years, or even decades, understand that it is normal.
You have been trapped in an addiction cycle.
Ending an abusive relationship is like quitting heroin
Trauma bonding is an incredibly powerful bond which not only exists within this relationship but often within all your relationships to date going back to childhood.
We become addicted to the drama. We seek it out in relationships, jobs, friendships, films and books. Look around you, do you see a pattern of drama?
And we all know breaking an addiction is HARD.
It takes real commitment and motivation but most importantly support.
A study showed that individuals who relied upon support were 61.1% more likely to quit smoking.
The problem with support for recovering from addiction to the drama associated with narcissistic abuse is that your friends and family may well be addicted to drama too. And those who aren’t simply don’t get it. They can’t understand why you would ever consider being with someone who disrespects you and hurts you so much.
So who do you turn to?
Here at The Nurturing Coach, we understand the addiction cycle, the grief you must be feeling, the symptoms of PTSD which are keeping you stuck in anxiety. We understand it because we have been there. Every member of TNC team has lived experience of narcissistic abuse.
We also KNOW that you can recover and things will get better.
- That you can discover who you truly are without others telling you who you need to be to keep them happy
- That you can put yourself first without being accused of being selfish
- That you can make decisions for yourself without a huge argument about how inconsiderate and stupid you are
- That you can be independent and happy, free to live whatever life you choose
Independence seems a big step away when you have probably spent your whole life keeping others happy.
Therapy with us can be your bridge from Co-Dependency to Independence.