Empaths are gentle and perceptive, we feel the emotion and soul of a person. We see into their core being and feel the pain someone is hiding.
Narcissists on the other hard are emotionally shallow and devoid of empathy or compassion. They are emotionally blind.
I remember the first time I felt the pain of being an empath.
I was about 13 or 14 and doing my work experience at a private hospital because I wanted to study physiotherapy.
I was shadowing a physiotherapist who was doing some work with a man who had broken his leg. She was manipulating his foot to encourage movement and blood flow.
I WAS OBSERVING AND SUDDENLY I FELT FAINT. THE MAN’S FACE WAS CONTORTED WITH PAIN AND I PASSED OUT!
I felt his pain
Obviously I didn’t realise at the time what that meant but I knew it was a bit odd.
Over the years I have been attracted to people in pain, usually emotional.
But it wasn’t until the experience with a narcissist that I looked into what role I was playing and learnt about the term empath.
FOR ME BEING AN EMPATH IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE.
I love being emotionally attuned and energetically aware.
But I hate being overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions and their energy knocking me out of sync.
This is especially hard for me with the work I do and so at the very start I began doing energy work. I see a Reiki healer every few months (prior to lockdown obviously) and have learnt the skills to protect my energy and release other’s when I begin to notice feeling “contaminated”.
I am guessing that you are also an empath because narcissists are drawn to us. We are capable, more than anyone else, of soothing their pain because we feel it as our own.
So how can these two seemingly opposite personalities and energies be so drawn to one another?
Empaths want to help and take away others pain. The narcissist is more than happy to take (and keep taking) this drug of emotional regulation. They know exactly how to exploit others and once they have hooked you in, they will feed off your kindness like an emotional parasite.
The reason the empath stays with a narcissist is because we feel their underlying pain. We feel how much hatred they feel for themselves and how hurt they are. We feel their inner child crying out for love and think “if I love them enough, I can heal them”.
On a deeper, more spiritual level empaths are attracted to narcissists because they represent our inverted selves. Two opposites coming together bring balance. It is alchemy. It is why it can feel like a real magnet pull towards them and why it’s so hard to pull away.
How the empath can heal
Get away from their energy
No contact can give you the physical space to ground back into who you really are and detox you from their energy.
Get to know yourself
The likelihood you have been conditioned from childhood to believe you are a rescuer, the fixer of other people’s problems and this can lead to poor boundaries. Not just physical ones but emotional and energetic ones as well. Take some time to figure out who you WANT to be without those labels.
Practice self-love and self-care
Spend some time figuring out what you enjoy doing and invest time in doing things for yourself. Saying no to others to prioritise yourself is a narc repellent!
Use Grey Rock for communication if you have to
Grey rock means no emotional responses. It also means no energetic exchange. Essentially you are cutting them off their supply.
Develop a support network
Speaking with people who understand and believe you is so important. You also want to be around others who offer a compassionate energy and are not vampires. Our Facebook support group is the perfect place to gather with other empaths who are focused on their healing journey.
What has your experience been of a relationship between an empath and a narcissist? How did you get out and begin your healing journey? It’s great to hear your stories