Why you're still obsessed with the narcissist

How many times have you asked yourself “why am I still obsessed with the narcissist?”  If you’re anything like me, probably on a daily basis. One of the hardest parts about recovering from close encounter with a narcissist is the fact that you can’t seem to get them out of your head!


But why?  How is it that this person, who you really don’t want to spend another second thinking about, has burrowed their way into your brain and set up camp?  And more importantly, how do you evict them?


One of the main reasons is that you simply can’t make sense of what has happened and your brain can’t accept that.  It needs an answer, an explanation.  But you will never get one from the narcissist so you attempt to come up with your own.  This however creates something called cognitive dissonance.


Cognitive Dissonance


This is a psychological term for when you hold two or more conflicting beliefs, attitudes or behaviour at the same time.  It makes you feel uncomfortable and so you alter your behaviour to try to restore the balance.  However things aren’t that easy when you’ve been involved with a narcissist.


Their entire existence is fabricated around dissonance.  They say one thing, do another.  And so you can’t restore the balance.  You loved them but now you hate what they did to you.  You trusted them but know you can’t believe a word they say.


Your brain is always trying to make you feel better so is constantly offering up solutions to try and relieve this discomfort.  Therefore keeping them at the centre of your thoughts.


3 Ways To Reduce Cognitive Dissonance

  1. Change one or more of the attitudes, behaviour, beliefs, etc., to make the relationship between the two elements a consonant one.
  2. Acquire new information that outweighs the dissonant beliefs.
  3. Reduce the importance of the cognitions (i.e., beliefs, attitudes).

TIP:  Share your story with others.  Realising you are not alone and gaining some understanding about their behaviour will help to reduce the dissonance.


In my video 3 Reasons You Are Still Obsessed With The Narcissist I look at two other aspects which impact why you are struggling to get them out of your head.  It would really help me out if you could subscribe to the channel whilst you are there 🙂


What has helped you to get over the narcissist?  Or are you still stuck at this stage?  Do get involved and comment below, it helps me with creating more content to suit you better.


If you require any support with narcissistic abuse or parental alienation please do get in touch at enquiries@thenurturingcoach.co.uk

2 thoughts on “Why you're still obsessed with the narcissist”

  1. i have been married to a Man for 20 years i found out he had another wife 1 year afrer marring him he took 50,000 from me cheated 16 other women and i put him and his brother in jail in india they came out because i forgave him and he was going to go to his family today he has also married a women in riga and left his wife at home and is cheating her just 2 days ago he tells me hes at home and going to leave his wife he did leave her in kashmir with nothing but will return to HIS home i know i dont love him i cant hes not a man i have no respect for him i have been alone all… alone for 22 years now just thinking i need to be loyal in case i really think i can be done what do i do please help

  2. Hi Maey, I think it would be beneficial to look at the reasons you keep this person in your life when you have written a long list of reasons not to trust him. You even say you have no respect for him. I think working on the underlying reasons for why you remain loyal, despite all you know about him, will help you to make a decision about what is best for you. Please check out our support page to see how we can help you with this. Take care

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